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Deferred Desire by ~dewintheair:icondewintheair:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Emotional




I watch you with intent
Dearly departed
If you kiss her once more
I値l take the sun down with me
The sky will die
And I will crumble

I値l defer my desire
And learn to love twice
Once for you
And once for us
In love with the letters
Devoted to the photograph

Head burning
Cheeks hot
Tears bright
You hold her hand
And take my heart
©2004-2009 ~dewintheair
Details
Submitted: March 2, 2004
File Size: 537 bytes
Image Size: 27.2 KB
Resolution: 640×480
Comments: 11
Favourites & Collections: 1 [who?]

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Author's Comments

Well. Wrote this a while back. When I broke up with my "fisrt love". As you can tell, I wasn't the happiest of people. And college was difficult. We spent a year and a half together and then I had to learn to ignore each other. It broke my heart. We didn't speak, he found someone else...and I'd never felt so alone. BUT. All of that over now. We are friends now. And look back with nostalgia rather than sadness... And also I have a nice shiny new boyfriend :giggle: :dance:

I really don't know how I feel about it. I think my feelings about it blind my ability to critique this poem. Im not overly happy with it, so I'd love any criticism you might want to offer ...;)
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Comments


~BlackRavenWing:iconBlackRavenWing: Mar 2, 2004, 7:53:41 AM
I love it.... you've managed to capture the feelings of losing a love and watching them with someone else really well. The pain of watching them but can't have them

"If you kiss her once more
I値l take the sun down with me"

"In love with the letters
Devoted to the photograph"

Beautiful lines. Created a great sense of loneliness. It's a well structure poem :hug: glad to hear you're friends now tho :)

--
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
-Jules de Caultier
~fragilemacabre:iconfragilemacabre: Mar 2, 2004, 11:59:21 AM
shiny boyfriends!

In love with the letters
Devoted to the photograph

I wish I'd written those lines...

--
-s
:blackrose: I offer grace-I offer blood-I offer everthing till my--heart-is crystal clear -AFI :blackrose:
~brokencliche:iconbrokencliche: Mar 2, 2004, 2:16:46 PM
Nice work. You really felt something for this person! Great imagry. All-around wow.
~raca2raca:iconraca2raca: Mar 2, 2004, 2:43:51 PM
i know this time.. and i probably wasnt all that sensative to it but i think i understand now its wonderfully written and i can se the emotion i missed in you at the time. brilliant as ever xxx
~changethecombo:iconchangethecombo: Mar 3, 2004, 12:27:00 PM
beautiful...
"If you kiss her once more
I値l take the sun down with me"
:+favlove::+devwatch:

--
You are different, just like everyone else.
~changethecombo:iconchangethecombo: Mar 3, 2004, 12:27:13 PM
beautiful...
"If you kiss her once more
I値l take the sun down with me"
:+favlove::+devwatch:

--
You are different, just like everyone else.
~changethecombo:iconchangethecombo: Mar 3, 2004, 12:27:21 PM
beautiful...
"If you kiss her once more
I値l take the sun down with me"
:+favlove::+devwatch:

--
You are different, just like everyone else.
~changethecombo:iconchangethecombo: Mar 10, 2004, 9:28:57 AM
just wanted to read this again...
such a beautiful poem.
sorry about the triple comment last time, apparently i got a little over-zealous with the clicking :giggle:

--
You are different, just like everyone else.
~dewintheair:icondewintheair: Mar 10, 2004, 10:52:07 AM
:laughing: thats ok :D Its quite nice for me to get so many comments...even if they are repeats ;) I'm so glad you liked this. It was a painful time, so for people to appreciate it like this, means a lot to me. :hug:

--
"Running with scissors wasn't smart, I tripped and cut open you heart" :heart: ~Hot Hot Heat
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